Are you holding back because you’re afraid to ask for what you need? You're not alone—and it's not impossible to change. Every single one of us has the ability to tap into the power within. The journey starts with awareness.
Last night, I had planned a quiet evening with my favourite soaps and a lovely glass of wine. But then the phone rang. It was my dear friend Desiree, and I'm glad I answered. She was in distress.
That morning, she’d been shaken by a rude look from a shop assistant. Later, she felt rejected after speaking to a friend who sounded irritated. By evening, she ended up snapping at her husband during dinner over a forgotten bill. “I feel like I have no centre,” she admitted. “I’m fine at work, but I desperately want people to like me—and then I lash out at my husband, even when it’s not his fault.”
What Desiree didn’t realise is that she was switching between different power behaviours—being passive with friends, assertive at work, and aggressive at home. And she’s not alone.
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Are You Stuck on the Power Ladder?
Many of us behave differently depending on who we’re talking to. These inconsistencies often stem from a belief in hierarchical power—the idea that some people are above us and others beneath. Imagine life as a ladder where your value depends on your job title, income, or expertise. That kind of power is external, temporary, and deeply fragile.
But real power—the kind that brings peace and confidence—is internal. This is your personal power. It doesn’t rely on status, approval, or control. It’s rooted in self-awareness and integrity. You can often see it clearly in young children. They express themselves freely. They ask for what they want. They’re not ashamed of their needs or afraid of rejection.
Sadly, many of us lose that natural power early. We internalise critical voices from parents or society. We start believing we’re wrong to speak up or take up space. Over time, we replace self-expression with control of ourselves and of others. And because we don’t feel safe asking directly for what we want, we may resort to guilt-tripping, people-pleasing, snapping, or silence.
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Why Women Often Struggle with Power
While men are often conditioned to show aggression when they feel powerless, women tend to go silent or resort to subtle manipulation. From a young age, many of us were told not to be "too strong" or "too much."
I’ll never forget winning a school competition and excitedly sharing the news, only to be told by my grandmother to stop “bragging.” Maybe she’d had a tough day, but her words stuck. For years, I believed it was my job to put everyone else first, to keep the peace, and to suppress my needs. I’ve since learned that ignoring those feelings doesn’t make them go away—it just stores up resentment that eventually leaks out.
The truth is, every one of us can be passive, aggressive, or assertive depending on the situation. The goal is to stop swinging like a pendulum and instead step off the power ladder altogether. That means recognising that no one is above or below you. We are equals—human hearts, human needs.
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So, How Do You Reclaim Your Power?
You start by learning how to communicate from a place of clarity, not control. Assertiveness is not about whispering your demands or storming off in frustration. It’s about being open, honest, and respectful—even when it’s uncomfortable.
When you reconnect with your true inner power, expect shifts. You may find clarity in a relationship. You might stand taller at work. You’ll stop fearing disapproval. And when you learn to say “no” without apology, you’ll realise the world keeps turning—and so do you.
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5 Personal Power Rules to Live By
1. Let go of the need to win
Don’t approach every disagreement as a battle. True assertiveness is built on equality, honesty, and compassion, not dominance.
2. Take the first step
Speak up. Ask yourself: what’s really stopping me? Often, it’s only the fear of a little disapproval.
3. Be specific and speak from the heart
Use “I feel” statements. Describe the behaviour, not the person. If you're nervous, say so—it builds connection.
4. Drop the blame game
Don’t rush to point fingers or take all the blame. Stay present and focus on solutions rather than fault.
5. End with grace
Don’t let anxiety drive you to apologise for speaking your truth. Stand firm, but stay kind.
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You were born with personal power. Reclaiming it isn’t about changing who you are—it’s about coming home to yourself.
